Motherhood has been a very pleasant experience for me. After having a very difficult and life-threatening pregnancy, I was blessed with a calm and happy baby boy who transitioned to a teenager without many challenges. Other than avoiding the shower like the plague. I was good at giving and he was at receiving the opportunities I didn’t have. Lessons on being well-behaved, milestone celebrations, and preparation for his future. Yet it was the birds and the bees talk that proved to be my parenting opus. 

Image The Other Talk

I saw the talk as a pivotal discussion about not only the biological and physical realities of reproduction, but also about intimacy, respect, consent, and responsibility. It became particularly important for me as I saw social media becoming a hotbed for blaming Black women and reducing Black men.  That kind of messaging is extremely harmful to our sons, who are already socialized to sow their wild oats in as many fields as possible. I refused to release a man into the world, fostering those ideas and attitudes. 

Our first foray into the discussion came randomly during our weekly living room dance party…  “How did Aunt Nicole get a baby in her stomach?” So, we sat down and watched The Miracle of Life video. When it was over and his few questions were satisfied, he went on to play Minecraft.  This was a topic that was brought up sometimes by him, to make sense of something he had seen or heard, and other times by me. A trailer about the R. Kelly documentary started a discussion about consent. An inadvertent discovery of adult material online resulted in us talking about how unrealistic fantasy could ruin an intimate connection.  A rap song started a full conversation about misogyny, respecting women, and our humanity. Also, his responsibility to protect any woman with whom he decides to spend time. 

The Older He Got

The older he got, the more it became clear that he was not only absorbing these lessons and discussions but also open to them. Every few months, we’d touch base about dating, protection, chivalry, etc., whether he was sexually active or not. While I was happy to know he was not. He was happiest when the conversation was over. I was most concerned with his safety, emotional intelligence, and understanding of responsibility.  So now, at almost 19, I have a son who speaks highly of women, protects his own energy, and embraces intelligent emotion. He will one day be a great husband and parent if he so chooses. 

The birds and bees both feed off of and help pollinate flowers to produce more flowers. As we nurture our little buds into full-fledged gardens, it is imperative we prepare them for all of the realities of the world.  We tend to focus more on our ability to give them things and help them prepare for careers and professional success. But like a flower, our children blossom into the fullest versions of themselves when they understand the importance of human connection defined by respect, kind treatment, and emotional maturity. I, personally, love a fully blossomed peony! 

–Karyn Morton is a mom of a teenage son living in Detroit. She’s a psychotherapist, hip-hop head, and dope Black chick.